You Can’t Pray for God’s Will and Refuse to Let Go of Control

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I have a confession.

Sometimes I give things to God…

and then approximately twelve minutes later, I would like them back. 😂

I’ll pray:

“Lord, I trust You with this.”

And I mean it.

Then my brain starts going.

Okay, but what if this happens?

Maybe I should do this.

What if they say that?

Should I send another message?

Maybe I need a backup plan.

Actually Lord, if You could just scoot over for a second, I have some ideas.

Anyone else? 😅

Because surrender sounds beautiful until we realize surrender means we don’t get to control the outcome.

And that’s where things get uncomfortable.

Sometimes I Don’t Want Surrender. I Want God’s Help With My Plan.

That sentence convicted me.

Because sometimes my prayers sound like surrender…

but underneath them I’m really asking:

“God, please make everything happen exactly the way I’ve decided would be best.”

I bring Him my plan.

My timeline.

My preferred outcome.

My backup outcome.

And probably a PowerPoint presentation explaining why my idea makes perfect sense. 😂

Then I say:

“Your will be done.”

But what I secretly mean is:

“Hopefully Your will and mine happen to be the same.”

Real surrender is harder.

Real surrender says:

“Father, this is what I want. But I trust You more than I trust my ability to know what’s best.”

Jesus Showed Us What Surrender Looks Like

Before the cross, Jesus prayed:

“Yet not my will, but yours be done.”
— Luke 22:42

I’ve read that verse so many times.

But think about those words.

Not my will.

That’s surrender.

Jesus wasn’t pretending the situation wasn’t painful.

He brought His desire honestly before the Father.

And then He submitted Himself to the Father’s will.

Maybe that’s the pattern.

We don’t have to pretend we don’t care about the outcome.

We can pray specifically.

Ask boldly.

Cry.

Hope.

Tell God exactly what we want.

And then open our hands.

Control Gives Us the Illusion of Safety

I think that’s why letting go can feel so difficult.

Control feels safe.

If I can predict everything…

prepare for everything…

manage everything…

then maybe nothing can hurt me.

Except that’s not actually how life works.

We can’t control other people.

We can’t control tomorrow.

We can’t guarantee outcomes.

We can’t prevent every disappointment.

James 4:14 reminds us:

“You do not even know what will happen tomorrow.”

Humbling.

But also strangely freeing.

Because maybe I was never supposed to carry tomorrow in the first place.

Planning Isn’t the Problem

Let’s clarify this before we all throw our calendars away. 😂

Planning is good.

Wisdom is good.

Preparation is good.

Proverbs speaks often about wisdom and diligence.

The problem isn’t having a plan.

The problem is when my peace depends on my plan happening.

There’s a difference between:

“Here’s what I believe is wise, Lord.”

and

“This HAS to happen or everything is ruined.”

One holds the plan.

The other is being held hostage by it.

Sometimes We Try to Control People Too

Ouch, round two. 😅

Have you ever prayed for someone…

and then tried to become the Holy Spirit in their life?

We want them to change.

Understand.

Apologize.

Come back to church.

Make the right decision.

Follow Jesus.

And because we love them, we start thinking maybe if we just say the right thing enough times…

we can make it happen.

But we can’t transform hearts.

God can.

We can love.

Speak truth.

Set boundaries.

Encourage.

Pray.

Share the Gospel.

Be faithful.

But eventually we have to trust God with people too.

Some burdens belong in His hands, not ours.

Anxiety Loves the Question “What If?”

What if it doesn’t work?

What if God says no?

What if something changes?

What if I lose this?

What if I make the wrong choice?

What if?

What if?

What if?

And suddenly we’re living through twenty imaginary futures while sitting in one actual Tuesday.

Jesus says in Matthew 6:34:

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”

Tomorrow isn’t ours yet.

Today is.

Maybe faith doesn’t require having tomorrow figured out.

Maybe it simply asks:

“Can I trust Jesus with today?”

Open Hands

I’ve been thinking about this image.

Closed fists.

Open hands.

Closed hands say:

“I have to keep this.”

“I have to make this happen.”

“I can’t lose control.”

Open hands say:

“God, this matters deeply to me… but it belongs to You.”

And opening our hands doesn’t mean we stop caring.

Sometimes surrender hurts precisely because we care so much.

But surrender says:

“Jesus, I would rather trust You with something precious than exhaust myself pretending I can control it.”

You Might Have to Surrender It Again Tomorrow

And maybe again after lunch. 😂

Surrender isn’t always one dramatic prayer where you release something and never worry about it again.

Sometimes surrender is repetitive.

Morning:

“God, I give this to You.”

Afternoon:

“Hi, me again. Apparently I picked it back up.”

Night:

“Okay, Lord. Yours again.”

That’s okay.

Keep giving it back.

Every time fear closes your hands…

open them again.

What Are You Trying to Control Right Now?

Maybe it’s your future.

A relationship.

Your family.

Your finances.

A decision.

Someone else’s choices.

A prayer you’ve been waiting on.

Your reputation.

Your ministry.

Your timeline.

Maybe you’re exhausted because you’ve been carrying responsibility for an outcome that was never yours to guarantee.

What would happen if tonight you said:

“God, I will do the part You’ve given me to do…

and I will trust You with the part I cannot.”

That doesn’t mean doing nothing.

It means knowing where your responsibility ends.

Trust Doesn’t Require Knowing the Ending

Proverbs 3:5 says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

I wish it said:

“Trust in the Lord once He’s explained everything in great detail.” 😂

That would be easier.

But that’s not faith.

Sometimes God gives us clarity.

Sometimes He doesn’t.

Sometimes we understand why.

Sometimes we won’t.

Sometimes we get the outcome we prayed for.

Sometimes we don’t.

But surrender ultimately isn’t trusting an outcome.

It’s trusting a Person.

Jesus.

So Here’s My Prayer

I don’t want to spend my life saying:

“Jesus, I trust You…”

while gripping everything so tightly that my hands hurt.

I want to become someone who can pray:

“This is what I want, Lord.”

“This is what I’m afraid of.”

“This is what I’m hoping for.”

“This is what I don’t understand.”

“And it’s Yours.”

Then I want to do whatever He has actually given me to do…

and leave the rest with Him.

Because I’m learning something:

Surrender doesn’t mean I know everything will happen the way I want.

It means I know Who I’m trusting when it doesn’t.

And maybe tonight…

it’s time to open our hands. 💜

🪻 A Prayer for Surrender

Father,

You know how tightly I hold onto things when I’m afraid.

Sometimes I call it planning.

Sometimes I call it being responsible.

But sometimes, Lord, it’s simply control.

Forgive me for the times I’ve prayed for Your will while secretly insisting on mine.

You know what I want.

You know what I’m afraid of losing.

You know the outcome I’m hoping for.

I give it to You.

Show me what is mine to do, and give me courage to do it faithfully.

Then help me trust You with everything that isn’t mine to control.

When I pick it back up tomorrow, remind me to surrender again.

My future is Yours.

My plans are Yours.

The people I love are Yours.

My unanswered prayers are Yours.

My life is Yours.

Not my will, Lord.

Yours.

Amen. 💜

Reflection Question

What are you trying to control right now that you need to place back into God’s hands?

And maybe an even harder question:

If God handles it differently than you hoped, will you still trust Him?